Zoom Meeting: OCPD & “Love Languages” 💕

Prompt: Here’s a values-neutral, inclusive reframing of “love languages”

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Instead of treating love languages as fixed traits or moral obligations, this framework views them as patterns in how people most easily feel cared for and connected. These preferences are shaped by culture, neurodiversity, trauma history, attachment style, and lived experience—not by gender roles or spiritual doctrine.

People usually resonate with several connection styles, and they can change over time or across relationships.

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Some people feel most connected when care is spoken or written clearly.

This can look like:

• Naming appreciation, gratitude, or admiration
• Affirming someone’s impact or presence
• Verbal reassurance during conflict or stress

Inclusive note:
This isn’t about flattery or constant praise—it’s about clarity and emotional transparency, which can be especially important for people with anxiety, trauma histories, or who grew up without consistent affirmation.

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This centers on shared attention, not just proximity.

This can look like:

• Undistracted time together
• Parallel play (coexisting while doing separate things)
• Shared rituals, conversations, or experiences

Inclusive note:
For neurodivergent folks, quality time doesn’t always mean eye contact or intense conversation—co-regulation and low-demand togetherness absolutely count.

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Some people feel loved when care shows up as help that reduces load.

This can look like:

• Helping with tasks or responsibilities
• Anticipating needs and offering support
• Taking initiative to ease stress

Inclusive note:
This should never slide into unpaid labor expectations. Healthy expressions are consensual, appreciated, and reciprocal, not gendered or assumed.

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This is about embodied closeness, not sexuality.

This can look like:

• Hugs, cuddling, or hand-holding
• Sitting close or leaning against each other
• Comforting touch during emotional moments

Inclusive note:
Touch preferences vary widely due to culture, disability, trauma, and asexuality. Boundaries and consent are essential, and absence of touch is not absence of love.

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This reflects feeling loved through tangible symbols of care.

This can look like:

• Meaningful objects, notes, or shared items
• Remembering preferences or milestones
• Creating or curating something with intention

Inclusive note:
This is about meaning, not money. Found objects, handmade items, playlists, memes, or inside jokes all count.

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• These are descriptive tools, not prescriptions
• No style is more “mature,” “healthy,” or “correct” than another
• Mismatch doesn’t mean incompatibility—it signals a translation gap
• People often express care differently than how they receive it
• Context matters: stress, mental health, grief, and power dynamics all shape expression

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“What helps you feel most seen, safe, and valued—especially when things are hard?”